7 Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life Before and After Menopause

We chatted with Sofie Roos, a sexologist, couples’ counsellor and author at Passionerad, about how to keep your sex life healthy and exciting during and after menopause. Here’s what she recommends:

1) Accept that your sexual needs will change

Sofie says it’s common for libido to shift during menopause—some feel less desire, others more. Sometimes the way you experience desire becomes deeper or more emotional than before. The key? Don’t beat yourself up over it.

“See it as a chance to discover something new, rather than trying to force yourself back to what was,” Sofie advises. “When you accept that things won’t be the same, you open the door to even greater pleasure than before.”

2) Don’t be afraid to use lube

Vaginal dryness often gets worse during menopause because of changing estrogen levels, which can make sex uncomfortable and create a negative cycle where you want it less and less.

“That’s why using a good quality lube—and plenty of it—is a game changer,” Sofie stresses. It can totally save the day.

3) Take more time for foreplay

Research shows that hormonal shifts can mean it takes longer for you to get “in the mood.” So, spend more time on foreplay and don’t hesitate to try new things.

“Try sensual massages, longer kisses, cuddling, and slow, building touches. And don’t shy away from sex toys like vibrators—they help boost blood flow down there,” Sofie says.

4) Rediscover the joys of masturbation

Sex with a partner is just one side of the coin. Menopause is a perfect time to explore what your body really wants.

“Try new ways to turn yourself on—read erotic stories, watch porn, grab a few sex toys, and don’t skimp on the lube. Extend your pleasure and adjust your habits to what feels right. If it takes a bit longer to find what works, don’t give up—you’ll get there.”

5) Talk openly with your partner

If you have one, it’s helpful for them to know your needs are shifting.

“Be honest and respectful when talking about intimacy. Boundaries and desires become even more important when your body is changing. Share what feels good, what’s different now, and what you’d like to try,” Sofie encourages.

“Support each other so sex stays fun for both of you. Bottling up feelings just leads to stress and anxiety, which kill desire. You’re a team.”

6) Try pelvic floor exercises

“I highly recommend strengthening your pelvic muscles. It boosts sensitivity, makes sex more enjoyable, and helps you reach orgasm easier,” Sofie highlights. Studies show that Kegel exercises combined with lube can really improve sexual health during menopause.

7) Keep it playful

It might sound obvious, but Sofie reminds us sex is all about pleasure.

“Don’t see sex as a task to tick off. Think of it as a shared moment of emotional and physical connection, playfulness, and fun. The less pressure you put on yourself, the easier it is to discover your desires and your sexy side.”

Many women don’t ask for help

A recent study shows women going through menopause experience on average 5.4 symptoms—hot flashes, sleep problems, fatigue, weight gain, mood swings, and decreased libido being the most common. Over half report having at least one symptom daily, yet 67% don’t see a doctor. 41% felt alone with their struggles during this time, only 36% knew about hormone replacement therapy, and 34% were aware of non-hormonal options.

If you’re going through menopause or perimenopause, remember: your pleasure doesn’t have to fade. With the right attitude and tools, this can be a whole new chapter of amazing intimacy.

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Source: HVG.hu